We’ll just tell Lizzo, “Here’s hundreds of thousands of dollars to come perform at Palm Springs Pride” and then I show up and she’s like, “Why does this guy have access? Throw him out!” And they’re like, “We can’t. Possibly my closer is delivered to Lizzo and then I have an organic and cataclysmic interaction with Lizzo. Essentially we want every frame to be a Renaissance painting. You have to be able to capture everything. I think IMAX is the only way to capture gay-for-pay Chris Hemsworth receiving a hand job at the pool at the Ace while I tell a joke about brunch in the background. Of course, contracts for sexual favors are highly illegal in the United States, so we’d have to do a lot of this legal work in the Netherlands. It’s for the community, you know? I did go to law school myself, so I would be doing a lot of the work on these contracts. Evans, Hemsworth - not Pratt - Pine if he wants to, even though he’s DC. We’re also going to make two of your three Chris’s be gay for pay for the weekend. Let’s see if Margaret Atwood is around and have her do some live reality-show producing.
So we’re going to need a couple of Pulitzer Prize winners. There’s always the question of authenticity in something like this, and with these emotional threads that we’re following, there’s the possibility that it might be a little lackluster. So I’m also going to have to just be calorically bulking the whole time so that I can maintain my own body mass. I can’t get ripped - it would undermine who I am and fundamentally place into question the entire project of the leather bodysuit. Except so much of my material relies on my persona. We’re going to need a team of people working on that front, starting six or nine months beforehand. I’m going to have to be on constantly, so I’m going to have to participate in Kumail Nanjiani levels of physical preparation beforehand. So we’re going to have to figure out some sort of space-age polymer that we can put inside that will wick away sweat. But then there’s also the fact that I am astoundingly sweaty and this is Palm Springs. We would have to custom make a leather jumpsuit for me, and that would require a huge number of cows and a great amount of work. So we’re probably going to have to spend $20 to $30 million just going through and face-tuning people, making sure that their ab definition looks right, for lesbians making sure that their dogs look as good as possible.
But when we finally come to all of the people we’ve filmed Borat-style and say, “Will you sign this release?” they’re going to be worried that they don’t look hot enough. We follow these people on their journeys after they’ve experienced my joke, when they’re like, “That fat guy would not shut up about Canada.” You know? Giving as much primacy to them speaking back to the joke as to the joke itself. Most of the time, an audience is just there for reaction shots, but in my special the whole focus is the drama of the reaction shot.
I subject unaware gay guys to my observations about what’s wrong with gay marriage or paper straws, but with the power and authority to run and manipulate the city of Palm Springs over the course of four days. I do my entire act as incidental conversations with strangers. The city of Palm Springs is run by Republicans, and they will sell out a government for anything. I’m renting the city of Palm Springs and installing hidden cameras throughout the city for their Pride weekend in November. Guy Branum’s Gay-for-Pay Palm Springs Takeover We asked nine comedians to spend $250 to $400 million on the stand-up special of their dreams. So what would a stand-up special with a Marvel-movie budget look like? Will comedians of the future don capes and blow up metropolises? Or will they dump the money into getting chiseled abs, creating stunningly realistic holograms, and erecting ornate sets that are built to be burned to the ground? If some comedians are earning as much as Marvel leads, it’s not that crazy to imagine the future of stand-up specials might include wildly escalating budgets. That’s right up there with Chris Hemsworth’s paycheck for Thor: Love and Thunder. All you need is a comic, a mic, and a willing audience.īut these days comedy specials are big business, with Netflix offering some comics as much as $20 million per special. In the world of production, a stand-up special is one of the most affordable things you can shoot.